I’m Back…

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on my blog. And honestly? I’ve been feeling really guilty about it. I wish I could tell you some amazing stories or give you some better excuses for the reasons I’ve been MIA, but I can’t. Because I don’t really have any. My biggest reason for being away for so long is motherhood.

Throwing in the Towel

Guilt consumes me most days. Guilt over not being a good advocate, not standing up for the injustices of other IBD’ers, or forgetting to mail out a Restroom Card! The feeling of being useless or a failure is also a common occurrence. Feelings of selfishness creep up, preventing me from even checking my email–all because my priorities have shifted. And because I feel like I haven’t been the advocate that I used to be, could be, or should have been, I’ve often felt like giving up. I’m no use to anyone. Everyone is probably mad at me for being negligent. Even typing all this out and admitting to how I’ve been feeling or what’s on my mind is difficult.

 IBD & Fate

Upon being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, I never ever thought I’d become an advocate for those living with Inflammatory Bowel Disease. As it turns out, and I’ve said this many, many times before, being diagnosed with UC has ended up being a blessing in disguise. There are SO many amazing people who share my disease. I’ve talked with and met so many of them. From Amber Tresca, Shelly, Sarah, Shawn, and SO many others I’ve gotten to know. I also had a chance to talk with Michael Mauti from the Saints, WHO PUT COLITIS NINJA ON HIS SHOES!!! He has a J-POUCH, ya’ll!

It’s in My Blood

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that I couldn’t give up advocacy even if I tried. Something always drags me back in. Every time I think about giving up, something happens that tells me it’s not time to stop yet. This year, I dealt with more health issues. One of those being a freaking fistula–which I’ll get into later–from a prolonged childbirth. I love helping others and connecting with those who share my disease. There is something so powerful about connecting with others who are going through similar situations. I wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s good for your soul.

Prioritizing

This year, I will be sorting out my priorities and learning to balance being a mom and an IBD advocate. Baby Ninja will always take precedence and the majority of my time, but I can’t just turn my back on advocacy. Finding that balance will not be easy. As I’m writing this post, I’ve been interrupted dozens of times by a toddler asking for “blees” (blueberries) and “teez” (cheese). I don’t know what the future of my advocacy efforts looks like. But I do know that I’m still meant to do this.

#myIBD

IBD week begins in just a couple of days. And while I may not be as active as I have been in year’s past, I will keep sharing my story. I feel like every patient who has Crohn’s or UC should be sharing their stories. By sharing our stories, we reach those who have lost hope. Those who feel isolated and alone–trapped by their disease. Those who have lost their identity after being diagnosed. Don’t be afraid to tell just one more person about your disease. You never know who might be suffering in silence.

What Every J-Poucher Needs!