Meeting the Midwife

INTRODUCTION: This is the PART TWO in a series of blog posts about my pregnancy and birth experience with a j-pouch. Please keep in mind that I’m not a healthcare professional (read my disclaimer for details). I cannot advise you on your medical care. I only write these blog posts to share my own experience and show that you can have a successful pregnancy and childbirth with a j-pouch. Please consult your healthcare team to find out if a natural childbirth is safe for you. Then get a second or third opinion! Do your research. NEED RESOURCES? ASK ME! I’m a firm believer in women being allowed to choose how they want their pregnancy and childbirth to go. If you’re in good health, then I don’t see any reason why you cannot give birth naturally and using the healthcare team that best suits you.

READ PART ONE HERE

Pregnant and Afraid

I hate change. Maybe hate is the wrong word… more like I fear change. I stay comfortable in a normal routine. I feel comfortable just going on with life as is. It’s easy. There’s nothing to worry about when things go like they’re supposed to. Unfortunately, that’s not how reality works. And when you’ve been diagnosed with an incurable disease, you come to expect changes to be the norm… but that doesn’t make it any easier when changes arise. So, when I got pregnant, naturally I was afraid. But I knew what I wanted. I wanted as natural a birth as possible.

Interviewing the OB

Before meeting with the midwife, I called my surgeon to get a recommendation for an OB and his office gave me a name. I also met with another OB who reportedly delivers VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean).

Strike One

I tried several times to make an appointment with the OB my surgeon recommended, but her staff was always very rude to me when I called and they refused to take my insurance. I even offered to pay cash, but I still had trouble getting an appointment. So I decided to meet with the other OB I found.

Strike Two

I found the second OB’s office very rude as well. I heard them whispering about me behind the “sound-proof glass.”

“She’s not here for an exam?”

“No, she wants to ‘interview’ Dr. Smith*.”

“Um… okaaaay…”

“I know right…”

This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with rude doctors’ office staff, but it never gets easier. Excuse me for trying to find the best care for me and my baby!

Strike Three

When I was finally able to get in to see the OB, I found her to be a really very nice lady. She acknowledged that she’d worked with women who wanted to deliver naturally who had previous cesareans. Which was great! And then I told her about my j-pouch and presented her with all my research on pregnancy and j-pouches. As usual, she had no clue what a j-pouch was. She also said she wasn’t comfortable delivering me unless I was placed under the high-risk category. To me, I feel like when they automatically label you as high risk, they’re already anticipating complications. Complications or complicated cases almost always end in c-sections. I was annoyed, but I kept my cool. Babies DO NOT come out of butts. I even mentioned having friends who delivered with a j-pouch naturally. But whatever… I still had another option.

Meeting the Midwife

Before meeting the midwife, I did a lot of research. I watched The Business of Being Born, I read personal testimonies of women who chose to birth with a midwife. I talked to friends who had midwives as their primary care during their pregnancies. I even talked to a friend who I found out was a trained midwife. I came with a list of questions. However, I had a hard time calming my nerves due to the fact that my plumbing isn’t something people see every day. I walked into the small birthing center on a cold day in December. I don’t remember the exact day, but I remember I was about 4 weeks pregnant at the time.

When I walked into the exam room, I must have looked nervous. I certainly felt it. The first question she asked me was how far along I was.

“Wow! You’re early.”

“Yeah. I know.” I said sheepishly.

“Well, I usually don’t take anyone into my care until 8 weeks, but you’re only here to ‘interview’ me, so what would you like to know?”

Do you know anything about j-pouches?

She calmly answered all my questions. I never once felt threatened or the like. Then I explained to her my plumbing situation. I presented her with my research. Told her about my friend who had two babies with a j-pouch. I gave her my j-pouch illustrations straight from my blog. I told her my story of my battle with ulcerative colitis and that my mom had Crohn’s and that she too had surgery before I was born and was able to birth naturally. I told her I knew there were possible risks, but that they were not anything that women with normal bowels didn’t face and I was willing to take my chances as long as I didn’t have to have another surgery.

She sighed. “I’ll be honest with you. I’m not sure that I will be able to do it. Let me talk with a few other midwife friends. I’ll get back to you and let you know.”

“I completely understand,” I said, feeling my dreams of a natural birth drifting further away from me. “I know I’m a special case… but I’m willing to take that chance if you’re comfortable with it.”

“Ok.”

Feeling Like a Person and Not a Number

I walked out of the birthing center and got back into my car. My heart was heavy. I was typing my address into Google Maps to help me find my way back home when there was a knock on my window. It was the midwife.

I rolled down my window.

“I just talked with my other midwife friends,” she informed me. “They said as long as we keep you well hydrated and well nourished, there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t give birth naturally. Come back inside and we can set up your first appointment!”

I jumped out of the car and walked back inside with her excitedly. After setting the appointment, she hugged me. I thanked her and felt a renewed hope. I was thankful that I found someone willing to work with me. Despite the unknown.

It’s YOUR Pregnancy

This is the way it should be. Women should be given the power and options that are available to them. Do not just blindly accept what you are first told. Always do your research and get multiple opinions. You never want to be made to feel helpless. You never want someone to dictate your childbirth. Fight for what you want and never take anything at face value.

READ PART THREE

*Names changed for confidentiality.