The holidays are a time of reflection, joy and for some people, solitude.  When you are dealing with chronic illnesses like UC or Crohn’s, the blues can be overwhelming. Many of us have lost our dignity, our professional lives, and many friendships. It’s hard to find our old selves and be part of the festivities, due to overwhelming pain and other issues. There have been times when I am curled up in bed that I prayed to just let the darkness take me so the pain would stop.

Those times are hard to deal with, especially when you see your family disappointed or hurt because you are no longer able to participate in many activities. It’s during those times, that we must look deep inside our souls and hearts.

It is these dark times, that we must find a way to go back to the light. Whatever that light is for you, go there in your mind and heart. It might be the beach, the river, the forest or your grandparents house. Find something to make you smile and realize that you have made it through many other dark days and this one will surely pass too.

I learned that even though most of my life I was the caregiver and the fixer of all things bad and wrong in life, now I am the fatigued warrior that must rest when I can and keep up the good fight. Meditation and music has really helped me breathe through the pain. It’s normal to question why this is happening to so many of us, young and old. But I have learned to beat those thoughts away; because the stress of it all just causes my flares to be more frequent and intense.

So now I grasp every good moment, day, or week and do whatever I can with my family and friends, because I know that a flare will soon take over and I wont see them for a few days. Those precious memories will warm the heart and give you something to smile about through the dark days.

Sometimes I must beat those blues with some old fashioned reality and gratitude. I remember that I can walk and talk and actually get to the bathroom without assistance. Most days I can do my own housework and spend time with my grandbaby and dogs. I know that things can and might be much worse, but for now I must be joyous that I have a caring husband that has had to watch me wither away, but he still supports me in every way he can. I still have my loving parents and my daughter that do what they can anytime I can’t do for myself. It’s a conscious choice every day to be grateful and just give myself a break! 

I think the most precious thing we can do to beat the blues is to help others that are hurting. Find a way to ease their pain. Feed the homeless, take food to the widows and widowers, and clothe the kids in poverty. Find support groups and other victims of this terrible disease and talk about our pain and share stories of survival. I know once I found Colitis Ninja and some other support groups I began to really step out of the darkness. Staying alone and scared will not help us heal. But helping others heal and beat their own blues is most certainly the best way to keep hope floating. Talking and even laughing about our lives can really enlighten us and give us hope!

We have to remember that there is a reason that we are going through this and that if we don’t fight and help find a cure, then others will suffer too. So no matter what, rest and cry awhile, but then reach out and find the light again. You can’t beat the blues from the dark places. You find your serenity in the light that’s in your soul. Find whatever warms your heart and makes you smile. Hold onto that, be grateful and rest. Because soon the bad days will pass and the good are coming, and you will get to be normal for a little while. I promise. I have learned to put on my armor and become the warrior colitis queen and I know you can too!