Last night was another rough night. My husband and I were watching the first X-Men movie when suddenly, I felt nauseated. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. Completely out of the blue. I didn’t really feel bad beforehand. There were no warning signs. It just happened. Peeves was producing good output, so I have no idea why I got sick.
In an attempt to not get dehydrated, I started sipping water VERY slowly. We continued watching the movie. It happened again. As I was leaning over the toilet, my husband called the on-call doctor who told us to keep sipping on the water slowly. He told us if I vomited again within the next couple of hours he would meet us at the hospital and admit me right away.
Wonderful. I thought.
I continued sipping water even more slowly. I slept on the couch and my sweet, worried husband slept on the floor next to me to make sure I was ok. Thankfully, I didn’t have to go to the hospital and have felt completely fine today.
Friends and family members keep asking me how I’m doing. It seems like every time I think I’m in the clear something goes wrong. This morning, when my husband was changing my wound dressings he found a THIRD abscess. Yippee. So, we have Filch (the 1st and largest abscess), Umbridge (the 2nd abscess we found last weekend located above Filch) and Fudge (abscess number 3 located below Filch). I think it is safe to assume that my whole stinking incision is nothing but one very large abscess.
I am angry. I have this horrible sinking feeling that I will never get out of this pit I’m in. I feel like crying, but no tears will come. I’ve been dealing with this garbage for over a year now. It all started April of 2013 when I started flaring. We went back and forth with Prednisone before trying diet changes and biologics. Nothing helped. We finally saw a surgeon in late March 2014 and two weeks later, I had my colon removed. Since then it has been quite the roller coaster. One scare after another. Two ER visits and a hospitalization, vomiting, strange stoma behavior, yeast rashes, oral thrush, and now not one, not two, but THREE abscesses.
Last Sunday (a week ago) I took my last Prednisone pill. I hoped against hope this was a symbol of better things to come. So far that has NOT been the case. And so I wait… almost in a constant state of fear. I wonder what horrors await me next. I am, at the moment, hanging by a moment and praying that I will be spared from any more pain or frustrations.
Tomorrow morning my home health nurse is coming to check on me. I am hoping she can get me an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow so we can discuss this third abscess. I refuse to go the the ER and if anyone wants to hospitalize me again, they will have to drag me kicking and screaming… either that, or knock me out first because I AM NOT GOING.
“Why is my pain unceasing,
my wound incurable,
refusing to be healed?”
my wound incurable,
refusing to be healed?”
–Jeremiah 15:18a
